I Am My Own Undoing

I saw the signs  glaringly,  awakening all my senses but I was too lost to be redeemed.... I allowed myself drown, gasping for air yet I wasn't inside a pool I was in a despair I created.

"Living is life" but I was already dead while living, dead to myself and the world for allowing me go through such an irrevocable piercing pains, betrayed by my past which has crawled into my presence and is now seeking satisfaction in wrecking the remaining part of my soul. 

The darkness has totally taken abode of my grief destroying the little glint I had, wrecking my last sail and leaving me in the middle of nowhere at sea. 

I despair for being weak, foolish and making excuses for an unrepentant evil and a lost case. 
I despair because I allowed cowardice drag me along with my destiny into tale of wolves.

I would have lived life differently yet my insecurities of "what ifs" and people's judgemental criticisms/reasonings dragged me to the mud where I lost my will to live.

Life has many u-turns but there are some turns without an opportunity for a 'U' I wish I had not taken this step, "I am my own undoing"
If I make it out through these shocking waves, I'll prioritise living happily ever after to the best of my abilities.

I learnt the hardway that happinness is a gift you give yourself,  " happiness is living and living is life"