The Beautiful And Horrendous Existence

I've always had a wondering mind,
a friend and foe, that I must add.
My jeans have never reached the ankles,
I gladly wear shorts where everyone doesn't. 
I think myself worthy of 'this,'
I ask why I'm burdened with 'that.'
My heart does not belong to me,
It beats for those outside it's home.
Mistakes so grave, I yearn for a grave,
regrets, forgiving myself, I neglect,
for I have tried, and did not win,
till I go seeking, my heart shall not rest.
I have known guilt since I was born,
always there, oh always here.
The only drama I adore lives in plays,
I dream all day, I shall never quit.
Harming myself, and harming others,
there goes the quick appearances I fear.
I sleep at night, hardly, hardly, 
and wake to a mind, two minds, then one.
The 'weak' side of me, I do accept,
the 'strong' side of me, I don't neglect. 
I am aware that life equals opposites,
the fear in me, I have managed to lessen.
The anxiety? I wonder about, the depression 
is managed, I'm full of want.
I avoid a lot, I prevent the lot, 
I still get confused,
I'm still full of want.